The Grinch who stole wine from The French Laundry

“Wine thief with nose for the best reaps huge haul at The French Laundry” – SFGate

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a grouse;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While memories of chanterelles danced in the diners’ heads;
The shrine to fine dining was closed for a remodel
All the foie gras put away, corks firmly in bottles.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and Chef Keller in his cap,
Had just settled their whole grains for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Chef sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
When what to his wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and his greatest fear,
A tattooed driver with an accent so thick,
He knew in a moment it wasn’t St. Nick.
The thief didn’t head for the chimney, instead the front door,
Breaking it open with an old two by four,
To the cellar he descended, quickening his pace,
For this Christmas it was wine he wanted, only by the case.
The cellar door flung open, he picked only the best,
76 beauties, overlooking the rest.
He darted back out to the cold wintry night
With his loot under his arm, six cases boxed tight.
He sped away, sabering some Dom for a laugh,
Without crystal stemware or even a carafe.
He took his loot to the top of Howell Mountain,
Prepared to dump it and make a geyser or fountain.
The next morning Chef Keller took stock,
Realizing what was gone was no schlock.
He summoned the staff with the smell of baked goods,
They came from all over, even the back woods.
For the wine they did mourn, but they broke into song,
The singing reached the burglar who knew he was wrong.
Maybe Christmas means a little bit more
Than fine Burgundy from the vintage 2004.
Even though his heart was two sizes too small,
He heard their unbreakable spirit and returned with his haul.
The burglar returned with the wine and passed it around,
Corks were pulled as the wine had been found!
The chef and staff welcomed him to the feast
And gave him the honor of carving the roast beast.

Related: “The top twelve wine heists

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2 Responses to “The Grinch who stole wine from The French Laundry”

  1. There should have been more of “a clatter”.

  2. Most of the wines have been found in… Greensboro, NC.

    Can’t wait to hear more details of what meandering path they took to get there!


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