Bobby Parkerchuk, tweeting from Monkton, NJ

parkerchuk The wine world just got wackier.

A new Twitter account going by the name of Bobby Parkerchuk mashes the tweets and tones of Robert Parker and Gary Vaynerchuk. The bio reads: “Wine guy, hedonist, host of Winery Advocate TV. Loves points. Loves the hustle.” Parkerchuk has been hailed as “hilarious,” “my new god,” and ” the best micro-niche-sub-culture satire ever” by people who probably should know better. We scored the twitter-interview, via instant messenger:

Dr. Vino: Bobby, how would you describe yourself?

Bobby Parkerchuk: Blending the bombastic musings of Robert Parker with the hustle of GaryVee. With points for all.

DV: So where did you get the inspiration for this?

BP: I have to hand it to Ruth Bourdain…she’s a surly broad w great legs–and I’m not talking in the wine glass…99 pts.

DV: Eric Asimov said that the reason you’re so much worse that RuBo is that you have such “drek” to work with. True?

BP: i resemble that remark, bro! Don’t be dissin’ on my Pappy and my Daddy.

DV: huh?

BP: my tweeps tell me that i am their luv child.

DV: How old are you?

BP: I have the hustle of a 32 year-old businessman and the gout of a 62 year-old wine critic.

DV: Where do you live?

BP: In Monkton, NJ, where points grow on trees, CdP 07 flows from the taps, everyone loves the Jets & the hustle…100 pts

DV: CdP as in Chateauneuf du Pape 2007?

BP: bro, try to keep up…”the most compelling vintage of any viticultural region I have ever tasted.” 100 pts If u disagree, your opinion is false…just like Harlan 1997.

DV: Okay, no need to get sassy. One thing we do on my site is “impossible” food-wine pairings. What’s the zaniest one you’ve had that works?

BP: bro, food-wine pairing is easy–#CdP07! I get it with sushi at Masa, w veal parmigiana at Vito’s, pour it by the magnum at home w onion soup and homemade lasagna while watching the J-E-T-S!…link it up, Mott!

DV: Um, all right then! Is there any wine that you avoid?

BP: bro, so much to avoid…Burgundy: all. Loire: all. Underripe, low alc anything…they have no flavor…i give those to guests…or to Squires for xmas…but so much to luv! Like my family! 100 pts!

DV: Why do you keep calling me bro?

BP: because i luv to #CRUSHIT and don’t have time to write yer real name, bro

DV: Bordeaux 2009: great vintage or the greatest vintage?

BP: Monumental…stupendous…towering vintage esp Right Bank..buy it b4 the Asians do…

DV: All right, how do you relax? What did you do last weekend?

BP: mowed the lawn..looks great,95 points…then watched Avatar (preview copy; all big critics get them) on my new 3D TV w the delicious Misha & cuddly DrBigJ…I wish i could clone them and offer them as a two pack on Cindy! 100 pts!

DV: Okay, seriously, who are you? In the wine trade? A laid-off writer? I mean how many people really get all these references, probably 200 in the whole world?

BP: bro, my daddy garyvee has 850k followers on twitter! He just gave up $20-$40k per speech to restore his work-work balance! My Pappy is the most authoritative critic in…the…world! That’s a lot more than 200 peeps, bro. 57 pts to you, vino.

DV: Have you heard from either of your daddies?

BP: yes, my daddy wrote me “THIS IS THE BEST TWITTER ACCOUNT EVER!” but i have yet to hear from my Pappy…sniff..he must be 2 busy..

DV: Any final thoughts?

BP: Have some CdP07 from mag w Maryland crab cakes from The Oregon Grille…turn on a Jets game while reading my vook on yer ipad bro! 100+pts!

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20 Responses to “Bobby Parkerchuk, tweeting from Monkton, NJ”


  1. Parkerchuk’s tweets are hilarious, but this interview is even funnier. 103 points!


  2. Hmm – hilarious? Maybe my funny bone is broken? Looks like another marketing ploy by someone trying to cash in on the popularity of GV and RP, mix in a little “Sh!t my dad says” on twitter, and they’re going for a TV gig. Wish em the best, don’t know if I’d watch. Then again, don’t know who watches me!

    Cheers,
    Matt


  3. Hilarious – love it!
    But the photo is spooky.


  4. Yeah, but it brings the thunder :)) 98 pts. Neeeh, let’s make it 97+ pts


  5. I agree that @bparkerchuk is the best niche-satire i’ve seen lately. Watch him ‘niche-explode’ soon.


  6. This gets my vote for blog bost of the year. Wicked funny!


  7. pretty funny stuff. 93points!


  8. great interview. chewy like raisins, smelled like cocoa puffs mixed with burned rubber and tree bark. 94+ pts bro.


  9. Is it Gary Robbervane or Bobby Zanerchuk? Hard to get the name straight. Do something about the hair by the time I see you again.


  10. This interview RIPS OFF ITS HEAD AND CRUSHES IT UNDER ITS BARE HANDS!!!!

    99 pts.

    Bro!


  11. One of the funniest things I’ve read in a while and a refreshing change from wine peeps that take themselves too seriously!


  12. hilarious 96 points… is Dr. Vino the real identity of Bobby Parkerchuk?


  13. I would love to think that this is Dr. V, but I’m afraid that it smells more like GaryVee…

    17/20 for now, we’ll review again as it ages.

    …see what I did there?


  14. Eww. What a weird, racist conversation. Dr. Vino good job on reeling him in. If there is one person to avoid it’s this guy. Gross!


  15. Great stuff. I am surprised it took this long for someone to think of such a spoof. It’s nice to see a little levity in the wine discussion.


  16. [...] Tsekkaa Bobbyn tuoreimmat pisteytykset pestyille koirille, päivän säälle tai ihmisille Twitterista ja lue perään Dr. Vinon naputtelema haastattelu. [...]


  17. This is hysterical! What an interesting cross section of zany, ghetto, snooty, yet utterly pedestrian wine geek mania!


  18. 100 points for all that its worth!


  19. [...] courtesy of Dr. Vino, Connections to Wine and Courage Factor. var addthis_pub = ''; var addthis_language = 'en';var [...]


  20. [...] was interviewed by Dr. Vino shortly after his birth, but for the most part, he sticks to Twitter. We wanted his take on the [...]


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