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Wine Deep Thoughts

sunset wine beach

#WineDeepThoughts

With a tip o’ the cap to Jack Handey!

Crappy beer, crappy wine

beer on beach

I am drinking a crappy Mexican beer.

There, I said it. Cast your Chateauneuf stones at me and throw me out of the wine temple if you must! But it is a sunny 75 degrees and I just got back from a rigorous morning of making sand castles on the beach.

So here’s something for you to puzzle over the grill: why can crappy beer be so refreshing while crappy wine is always so…horrible. The carbonation? The lower alcohol? The chill factor? Have your say in the comments. And happy Memorial Day weekend!

Dr. Vino salutes Dr. Shaq

dr shaq
A couple of weeks ago, a 7′ 1″ 325(+)-lb. graduate donned a cap and gown: Shaquille O’Neal earned a doctorate in education. The former NBA star, who left LSU early but finished his bachelor’s degree nearly a decade later because he wanted to make his mom proud, just completed four and a half years of courses and study at Barry University. His thesis studied the role of humor in the workplace and leadership.

Dr. Vino gives a doff of the academic cap to Dr. Shaq Diesel. Now all I have to do to keep up is score 28,596 points in the NBA. Well, what the heck: I raise a glass of wine in his honor and I’ll rate the 28,596 points! To Dr. Shaqtus, Dr. Shamroq, here’s a glass of grower Champagne from Bereche et Fils, their Beaux Regards, a stony, zero-dosage all-chardonnay bubbly. It’s laser-like, which is the kind of focus you need to do a doctorate while also playing in the NBA, doing commercials, offering commentary on TNT, serving as a reserve police officer, being a dad five times over. Nice going Big Daddy! Read more…

Wine is about balance…and hula hoops

This is certainly a bravura performance. But, sheesh, couldn’t she use a Laguiole to open the wine?!?

Can’t wait to see this as a grande finale in the Master Sommelier exam!

Thanks, Phil!

Wine LOLz from the Twitterverse

DrVino: Michel Rolland has an autobiography coming out? A magnum oakus, surely.

CraigCamp: hear the Oxygen network picked up the rights and will turn it into a micro-series
Wink Lorch: Bet it will appear late icon wink
OlivierLandry: A very ripe comment on your part, good sir. #RollandPuns …I think we’ve extracted everything we could out of this…

mostinterestingsommelier In meme action, consider #mostinterestingsommintheworld:
@WineauxDLynnP: He finished inventory at Berns in 40 minutes.

@JosiahBaldivino: He taught Jesus how to turn water into wine.

@DrVino: He doesn’t decant because sediment is afraid to come out of the bottle.

@alpanasingh: He is a She

@ganzer_wein: (s)he routinely sells wines for $5000 a pop from the DRC…democratic republic of Congo

@JeremySeysses: He decided not to have his own label.

IKEA bed frame as wine rack – aged sur lit [DIY]

wine rack diy

Sometimes, opportunity lies right in front of you. Or, if you’re Jeremy S. Walworth, it lies in your neighbor’s pile of recycling.

Jeremy hauled the wood from a broken IKEA bed frame out of his neighbor’s driveway and set about making a wine rack for his basement. With help from his daughter, he cut, sanded and glued a 60-bottle wine rack complete with bottle slots. Nice wine rack hack! Wine and family bonding taken to a new, productive level.

Now that’s some wine aged sur lit.

More wine DIY: corks as Christmas tree ornaments

Who’s threatening us now? “Coffee experts”!!

coffee cherry2

In a profile of Aida Batlle, a coffee grower in El Salvador, The New Yorker blows the lid on coffee’s imitation of wine. Check out all the ways how these above-average Joes are threatening us now:
* using word “terroir”
* rise of estate labeling
* a focus on harvesting good fruit
* existence of a barista guild certification
* frequent use of blind tastings, known as “cuppings”
* stating that coffee pros like their coffee served slightly cooler because it releases more aromatics at a lower temperature
* obsessing over gadgets, such as a $100 burr grinder

Hey, “coffee experts,” back off! We wine geeks already have all these areas covered. And on the iPad version of the story, they even have the gall to offer an instructional video of how to brew coffee. Come on, we know that wine has a monopoly on “how to serve” videos on the web! Next thing you know, “coffee experts” will be spitting their java into a Jets bucket!

One thing they dare bring to blind tasting is rigor. Get this: in the Cup of Excellence program, “judges must be able to describe samples the same way when they are presented at different tables, in different orders.” And the story’s protagonist nails her own coffee when a cheeky barista in Red Hook tried to trick her in a cupping!

But don’t worry, wine geeks, we still have one thing they don’t: point scores! Yes, I pity the “coffee experts,” since they are not able to substitute a subjective experience with the false pretense of objectivity–we still have that one covered!

What women don’t want: perfume shaped wine bottles!

wine for women

I’m going out on a limb here and say that women don’t really want their wine in perfume-shaped wine bottles.

But that’s just what the grappa distillery Mazzetti d’Altavilla is making with their new “Essentia Vitae.” Here’s what someone who hailed it as the packaging innovation of the week had to say.

“While perfume-inspired wine may be an acquired taste, Essentia Vitae goes further than most to connect to female consumers. Its perfume-like packaging should break through the crowded product assortments that can often confound shoppers.”

Argh, those crowded product assortments confusing women wine shoppers! Apparently the wines come in three different flavors/aromas/varieties: No. 4 Ruche – jasmine scent, No. 6 Malvasia – rose scent, and No. 8 Moscato – violet scent. What that exactly means is not clear–are they for drinking or dousing?

My bold prediction: these will go the way of Beringer’s White Lie and the French WineSight. Dammit, marketers, gendered approaches to marketing are best left to important things like razors blades and deodorants!

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