The douche burger – impossible food-wine pairing?!?

douche burger
Behold the douche burger, a “a f—ing burger filled and topped with rich people s–-t.”

The $666 burger has gotten a lot of media attention but for the description, we’ll cut right to the owner of 666 Burger, a food truck (yes, this burger comes from a truck, presumably relocated to the Hamptons for the season):

“Kobe beef patty (wrapped in gold leaf), foie gras, caviar, lobster, truffles, imported aged gruyere cheese (melted with champagne steam) kopi luwak bbq sauce and Himalayan rock salt. It may not taste good, but it will make you feel rich as f–k. Douche.”

Hey-oh! That’s some spicy talk to go with the champagne-melted gruyere! Even though the 666 burger man only sold one burger and more or less admits it’s a hoax, which wine would you pair with this burger? Something to go with the lobster, the caviar, the kopi luwak sauce? Or match the minerality of the gold leaf? Goldschlaeger? Ace of Spades, the “gold bottle”? Or just a magnum douchy wine? Or is it…impossible?!?

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14 Responses to “The douche burger – impossible food-wine pairing?!?”

  1. I’d say that you nailed it, Doc. Cattier Ancient Gold… erm, I mean Armand de Brignac… would be perfect. The ultimate conspicuous consumption Champagne for the ultimate conspicuous consumption burger (would that be “douchepagne for a doucheburger,” then?).

  2. A Petrus 47 lovingly made by Rudy Kurniawan

  3. My first thought was Champagne, but then i remembered it was a burger. So I’m going to say you should pair this wine with all 17 new-release Bordeaux’s that received 100-points from Robert Parker

  4. Heard a story once from a friend who worked as a translator in Strasbourg. Apparently a Dutch MEP would go to the same cafe for lunch every day (on expenses) and order a glass of Chateau Yquem regardless of what he was eating. This made a degree of sense, as it was a) the single most expensive thing the cafe sold and b) the taste really did not matter, as he topped the wine with coke. Just… right out of the can and into the glass. The staff hated him like poison, but when he’s dropping that much money that regularly its hard to kick him out.

    I feel like this burger would be the perfect complement to his lunchtime tipple. And he sounds like just the guy to order it.

  5. …or maybe one of the Jefferson Bottles.

  6. While the above comments make sense, personally I’d pair this monstrosity with a barf bag.

    Or you could deconstruct it and have Champagne with the lobster and caviar, Sauternes with the foie gras, etc.

  7. 2009 Smith Haut Lafitte

  8. For a practical suggestion, I’m thinking a good Rioja Crianza. Lighter Tempranillos go with most anything, and Crianzas are the drink of choice when trying to pair all kinds of bizarre tapas in Rioja and elsewhere in Spain. I suggest an ’08 Crianza from any of the better producers.

  9. Did love Jean-Luc’s idea, though I worry about loosing those subtle gold leaf notes. Maybe the ’45 by the same maker?

  10. I would pick out the caviar, lobster, truffles and gruyere, add mussels and serve it with a bottle of Cristal. The gold leaf goes on a Lindt dark chocolate bar. The rest of it goes to the neighbor’s Blue Heeler.

  11. Great pairing recomendations.
    I love wine and have recently started making wine cork cufflinks
    Check them out:

  12. Ca’Momi? Bit of a homer call with the website link from the PR director…

    Armand de Brignac certainly gets my vote to start with followed down by a delicious bottle of GHOST HORSE!!!

  13. Ha, Aaron, thanks for catching that 100% pure, uncut PR shilling, now flagged as spam…

  14. To eat this flawless display of doucheossity this requires an event, not just a simple pairing. Here is how it should roll:

    Step 1: get 10 of your most douchey friends together. At least 7 should be wine collectors and no less than 5 should be trust fund douches who’ve never made a plug nickel via their own effort.

    Step 2: Have Jeeves drive your gold lamay adorned Range Rover to the food truck to get 10 of these stupid burgers. (he may have to take the Bentley as the Rover has no more than a 50% chance of starting)

    Step 3: Open a complete vertical collection of every Screaming Eagle ever released and pour each vintage is a separate glass. The glass must be the most expensive Riedels available and must have the name of your pet Schnoodle engraved in platinum.

    Step 4: With each bite of the douche burger you must take a sip of the SE from the most recent vintage to the first.

    Congratulations, you have now had the most ridiculous meal ever in the history of mankind.


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