The most groan-inducing wine name

la pawsWhat’s in a name? When it comes to wine, it’s quite often sales.

Names, of course, don’t affect the taste. As the great wordsmith Shakespeare might have put it, a wine by another name would smell as dry with a hint of raspberry, leather, and garrigue. But sometimes the name can make us groan, roll our eyes, and not buy the bottle.

Consider Rosenblum Cellars’ Chateau La Paws Cote du Bone Roan red (about $14; find this wine). I’ve seen the wine on store shelves, groaned, and kept walking. But I recently tried it at a trade tasting and the heck if it isn’t purdy darned good! But I’d still never buy it. OK, maybe as a gift for my dog-loving sister-in-law. Once. Or for some other friends who are very into their adorable puppies. But only once then too. Moving on!

Which wines out there have the most groan-inducing names? (A Groan Cru, if you will.) Hit the comments with your thoughts. Next week, we’ll narrow the field and let the voting begin! And please note, this is for names only; the aesthetes had their say recently with the worst label design.

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21 Responses to “The most groan-inducing wine name”

  1. I’m with you on La Paws, though I gues there are enough dog-crazy wine lovers out there to make sure it eventually gets bought and drunk. I’d vote for Royal Bitch (not to be confused with the much more clever Bitch). A misogynistic wine if ever there was one.

  2. I agree, I admit to liking that wine quite a bit.

    I saw one awhile back called “Cleavage Creek” (or something like that) that had a very eye-catching label.

  3. I have to act fast because everyone hates “goats do roam”. Ugh.

  4. How about K Syrah?

  5. It’s not wine but I have never been able to order or drink ‘Moose Drool’ beer. I just can’t get past the name.

  6. Jeff,
    Your loss. It’s good spit.

  7. Shinn Vineyards, a wonderful winery on Long Island, makes “Wild Boar Doe”. I groaned at the pun when I first saw it, only to moan with pleasure after tasting it. It IS a wild, spicy, rustic Bordeaux blend.

  8. Sorry, I have to go with the oldie but baddie, “Richards Wild Irish Rose” wine. After all, what country evokes sunny vineyards more than Ireland.

  9. Passing by “Marilyn Merlot” makes me roll my eyes every time!

  10. Cooper’s Creek cat series is especially groan-worthy, esp. Cat’s Pee on a Gooseberry Bush Sauvignon Blanc. I wonder how it’s selling?

  11. How about the pun-based Zinfandel names? Cardinal Zin, 7 Deadly Zins, Earth Zin and Fire… Too much!

  12. Not easy to find, Used Automobile Parts, is better than it’s name suggests.

  13. Oh, I just saw a groaner the other day:
    Mommy’s Time Out

    It had a little lie drawing of a chair facing a corner of a room with a little table beside on which stood a bottle and a glass.

  14. How did I know somebody was going to bring up Cleavage Creek?…..

    My votes are on the Zin-puns and the Cat’s Pee.

  15. I go with the Cat’s Pee one as well. Such a visual/oral downer…
    re: the Richard’s Wild Irish Rose…
    ’twas made in Chicago in it’s day. By Consolidated Distilled Spirits aka Union Liquors aka Glazer aka soon-to-be Judge&Dolph.

  16. The Mutt’s Nuts Shiraz, actually a great wine out of Wrattonbully, but the name is tough to take.

  17. what about Fat Bastard?

  18. I know it’s not a winner in this contest – but Yellow Tail is a terrible name, no?

  19. I just saw a flier the other day for a new brand of wines i had never heard of: oops!

    while the “winery” argues that “some mistakes were meant to happen” I remain confident is indeed an error to mass produce an entire line of “cheeky” wines from grapes that were never intended to be grown in Chile in the first place.

    note to self: never invest in a company whose business plan is to make mistakes, all the way from product selection to marketing.

  20. […] updates by email (right sidebar). Thanks for visiting!The groan committee has met! Thanks for your suggestions of the most groan-inducing wine name. There are many bad wine names out there but it was […]

  21. […] wine is garbage if the punniness is high,” one of my friends said recently. Fair enough, as we have discussed before. But then there is the case of Johannes […]


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