Thank you for your submissions in the worst wine label contest! Here we have it: the finalists!
I recruited two judges to help whittle down the field to five labels and they are now available for your voting after the jump. But first, the judges: Steve De Long, known to many for his fine aesthetic work on the various products at De Long Wine Company; and Guillaume Jourdan, a partner at Vitabella, a PR and marketing firm in Paris who has consulted wineries on improving their labels. Since he’s foreign, I guess he’ll be our Simon Cowell. To the voting!
Josh sent this one in, saying, “I know Marilyn Merlot. Marilyn Merlot is a friend of mine. You, madam, are no Marilyn Merlot!”
Tyler: “Is that a flag pin?”
Steve: “Some things are so bad that they’re good but cleavage creek can’t make that transcendent spin. It’s embarrassingly bad. However it may be good for pranks like sending bottles through the mail to friends. A little like sending mail in envelopes marked “The Pornography You Ordered.”
Guillaume: “On the positive side, you immediately understand that this wine comes from America.”
Zeller Schwarze Katz
Mark sent this one in saying, “Zeller Schwarze Katz is a bad Mosel wine. (Zeller = from Zell, the town of Zell an der Mosel) It’s right up there with Liebfraumilch.” (Click photo to enlarge)
Tyler: “It made me laugh, it made me cry–but mostly cry.”
Steve: “Ding ding ding – we have a winner. Truly terrible. Is that Riesling Rose or a pink bottle?! And what about the white bottle? And the spelling, the spelling!”
Guillaume: “If I have to buy it, it would be for a friend collecting every kind of “cat shaped things” or for putting flowers in it if I suddenly broke my last “vase” before my guests arrive.”
The Prisoner, Orin Swift
Nancy sent this one in saying “It’s ugly, depressing, pretentious, and vulgar.” It sparked a heated discussion.
Steve: “In Europe, we’ve had a lot of coverage of the Austrian dungeon nightmare story recently so the prisoner theme resonates. Regardless of the talent of the artist, pain and suffering isn’t exactly a great way to start a party.”
Guillaume: “Does this mean that it is your last wine before going to jail or the last before you die? Painful is the adjective coming to my mind when looking at this label. Is it painful to drink this wine?”
Horse’s Ass, Herding Cats, Messina Hof “Tex Zin,” President Jacques Chirac Champagne (his favorite beverage is Corona!)
poll now closed